So This Is Goodbye
37 months had passed. 3 years 1 month.
23 months for Serukam part one (Label
: PTT @BMH) and another 14 months for Serukam part two (Label : Serukam part
II). Belum apa-apa dibandingkan kakak senior yg >6 thn, dokter radiologi yg
>28 thn, dan dokter supersenior yg >45 thn.
Sudah datang u/ MMC 3 (Jan 2008),
sudah datang u/ orientasi 3 bln (April 2008), sudah mulai jadi dokter PTT 1 thn
8 bln (Agustus 2008), sudah mulai jd dokter tetap (Nov 2009). Sudah ‘welcoming’
speech Juni 2008, sudah ‘farewell’ speech Mar 2010. Sudah datang lagi (Agust
2010), sudah cuti diluar tanggungan (April 2011), sudah kembali dari cuti (Juli
2011). Hingga tiba saatnya u/ 2nd ‘farewell’.
But I found myself still lousy at
farewell & goodbyes.
©
Dalam posting “A Place To Belong”
Maret 2010, I wrote 3 most
important lessons I have learned from God in Serukam (dari sekiaaaaan banyak
pelajaran) :
1) G jd lebih mengerti dan semakin mengakui bahwa
Allah kita adalah Allah yg Mahabesar, Mahakuasa, dan berdaulat penuh.
2)
I learn that I belong to God’s (big, even
huuuge) family.
3) I meet God who cares – care more about my
growth, not my comfort. (BAHASAN EDISI INI)
Dan g ingin menambahkan 1 lagi :
4)
Really appreciate the “mentor-disciple”
culture. (bahasan edisi berikutnya)
I still believe I belong to God’s
huge-extended family =) Makanya (tetap) sulit u/ pergi (walaupun bukan untuk
pertama kalinya). Namun pelajaran penting yg scr khusus aku dapet dalam 1 thn
terakhir ini (dlm Serukam part II) adl perjumpaan dengan Allah yg peduli – care
more about my growth, not my comfort. Kedaulatan Allah semakin kualami dengan
nyata. Dan di dalam lingkup God’s sovereignty itu ada kasih Allah yg besar.
Tapi waktu itu semua terjadi, rasanya…sama sekali gak enak.
©
Brokenness
Kata yg tepat u/ menggambarkan
keadaanku di awal tahun ini, terutama di bln ke-2 dan ke-3. Namun sebelumnya pun God had been dealing with
me in many ways. Sejak bulan ke-2 orientasi, waktu baru awal2 mulai PTT, di
awal thn 2009, dan terutama di thn
2010-2011. Melalui kejadian dgn pasien, rekan sejawat/spesialis, pegawai RS, keluarga,
teman2 diluar Serukam & dgn diri sendiri.
Sperti yg sudah kubahas di
“Titik…Titik…Titik”, Ka RP dtg pd saat yg tepat. Mentor yg tepat, dgn bahasan yg tepat, disaat yg tepat. Kata2
dia waktu itu masih terngiang-ngiang. Ternyata apa yang dia katakan waktu itu
sejalan dgn pendapat M.R. DeHaan dalam “Broken Things” (Discovery House
Publishers, 2009).
Mengapa perlu ada brokenness?
Before a thing can be made useful, something
must be broken. Sebelum rumah bs dibangun, hrs ada pohon yg ditebang. Sblm
fondasi didirikan, batu2an harus dipecah2kan dari bukit batunya dan diangkut u/
dipakai. John 12:24. This the law of life in the natural realm & in the
spiritual sphere also. There is no making without breaking. To the child of
God, however, every broken thing is but the assurance that God is making
something useful, to be used for His glory.
“If you are being broken, God is working with you.
He is making something – something that will someday astound you with its wisdom and beauty….The things we thought were the greatest trials and tragedieswe later find to be God’s way of bringing us something better.We think broken thing are a loss, but God turns them to gain.In nature, broken things are cast aside;but in grace, God will never use a man until he is broken.”(M.R. DeHaan)
Manfaat dr brokenness (when God is dealing
with us), antara lain :
a.
Teaches us to depend on God
Tuhan mengizinkan difficulties/pain datang dalam
hidup kita supaya kita belajar u/ bersandar pada Tuhan dan bukan pada kekuatan
sendiri (Yes 30:15, Zak 4:6). Pendidikan dari Tuhan hard on our pride. It
humbles us. It takes something out of us, and yet it teaches us that we must
learn to depend upon the Lord.
b.
Exercises & strengthen our faith
Di saat2 yang terberat, ada masa dimana
ketakutan datang menyerbu beserta kekuatiran, kurangnya pengharapan. Rasanya
langit diatas penuh awan yg gelap & sinar matahari tidak bs tembus
sedikitpun. Saat God is dealing with us, God wants to strengthen our faith. The
faith that is not exercised is a faith that will not grow; a faith that is not
tried will never be strong.
Wajar apabila kita tidak dapat mengerti God’s
dealings. Jika kita bisa mengerti semua God’s dealing, kita tidak perlu lagi
iman. Tetaplah beriman pada janji Allah walau tidak mengerti ‘kenapa’-nya &
belum melihat buktinya.
Kita percaya bhw Tuhan selalu menjawab doa,
tapi tidak selalu dengan “Ya”. Kadang2, in His infinite wisdom, jawaban Dia
adalah “Tidak” karena Dia tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kita. Our prayers must be
in the will of God because God knows better than us about what is best for us. We
are so limited in our understanding and in our reasoning, but we have a
heavenly Father who knows what is best for us.
c.
Teaches us patience
Patience can be learned only by enduring.
Maunya sih serba lancar, serba mudah, serba cepat, dan serba sesuai impian
sendiri. Tapi tidak begitu yang terjadi. Saat harus menanggung segala
sesuatunya, disitulah belajar sabar. Tidak mungkin belajar sabar klo tidak hrs
menanggung sesuatu yg menguji kesabaran =)
d.
Makes us humble & keeps us humble
It was pride that caused Satan to sin; it was
pride that caused Adam & Eve to fall. God hates pride. He exalts the
humble.
e.
To make us more like Christ à spiritual growth, which takes time to
develop =)
©
Spiritual growth
God’s dealing with us bermanfaat untuk
pertumbuhan rohani kita, dimana kita diproses untuk makin menyerupai Kristus. Itu
adalah perjuangan hari demi hari, untuk jangka waktu seumur hidup. Berikut
adalah kutipan dari artikel2 Rick Warren dalam Daily Devotional 2-7 Februari
2010 (dgn tambahan sedikit disana-sini).
Berbeda dengan restoran siap saji
ataupun mie kuah, pertumbuhan rohani tidak bisa instant!
Today we're
obsessed with speed, but God is more interested in strength and stability than
swiftness.
While we worry about how fast we grow, God is concerned
about how strong we grow.
God views our lives from and for eternity, so he is never in
a hurry (Philippians 1:6)
Menurut Lane Adams
Before Christ invades our lives at conversion, he sometimes
has to "soften us up" by allowing problems we can't handle. While
some open their lives to Christ the first time he knocks on the door, most of
us are resistant and defensive. Our pre-conversion experience is Jesus saying,
"Behold I stand at the door and bomb!"
The moment you open yourself to Christ, God gets a
"beachhead" in your life. You may think you have surrendered all your
life to him, but the truth is, there is a lot to your life that you aren't even
aware of.
You can only give God as much of you as you understand at
that moment. That's okay.
Once Christ is given a beachhead, he begins the campaign to
take over more and more territory until all of your life is completely his.
There will be struggles and battles, but the outcome will never be in doubt.
God has promised that "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to
completion." (Philippians 1:6, NIV)
Kesimpulannya : Real maturity is never the result
of a single experience, no matter how powerful or moving. Growth is gradual.
Why does it take so long to change and grow up? Ada beberapa alasan :
·
We are
slow learners.
Kadang2 kita harus belajar suatu pelajaran yg sama 40-50x sampai benar2
mengerti. Masalah yg sama muncul berulang kali dan kita berpikir, "Not
again! I've already learned that!"—but God knows better. Kita perlu
paparan berulang, sama spt org Israel dulu.
·
We have a
lot to unlearn.
Banyak masalah pribadi/relasional berkembang dlm wkt belasan/puluhan
tahun. Ga rasional klo ngarepin semua itu beres dlm sekejap. It requires the
hard work of removal and replacement. The Bible calls it "taking off the
old self" and "putting on the new self." (Romans 13:12; Ephesians
4:22-25; Col. 3:7-10, 14) While you were given a brand new nature at the moment
of conversion, you still have old habits, patterns, and practices that need to
be removed and replaced.
·
Growth is
often painful and scary.
There is no growth without change; there is no change without fear or
loss; and there is no loss without pain.
Every change involves a loss of some kind: You must let go of old ways
in order to experience the new.
·
Good
habits take time to develop.
Remember that your character is the sum total of your habits. You can't
claim to be kind unless you are habitually kind—you show kindness without even
thinking about it. You can't claim to have integrity unless it is your habit to
always be honest. A husband who is faithful to his wife most of the time is not
faithful at all!
As you grow to spiritual maturity, there are several ways to cooperate
with God in the process :
1)
Believe
God is working in your life even when you don't feel it.
Spiritual growth is sometimes tedious work, one small step at a time. Expect
gradual improvement. The Bible says, "Everything on earth has its own time
and its own season." (Ecclesiastes 3:1 CEV)
2) Keep a notebook or journal of lessons learned. This is
not a diary of events, but a record of what you are learning. Write down the
insights and life lessons God teaches you about him, about yourself, about
life, relationships, and everything else. Record these so you can review and
remember them and pass them on to the next generation (Psalm 102:18; 2 Timothy
3:14)
3) Be patient with God and with yourself. One of
life's frustrations is that God's timetable is rarely the same as ours. We are
often in a hurry when God isn't. You may feel frustrated with the seemingly
slow progress you're making in life.
4) Remember how far you've come, not just how far you
have to go. You are not where you want to be, but neither are
you where you used to be. Years ago people wore a popular button with the
letters PBPGINFWMY. It stood for "Please Be Patient, God Is Not Finished
With Me Yet." God isn't finished with you, either, so keep on moving
forward. Even the snail reached the ark
by persevering!
 |
| Racer snail hehehe |
©
Waktu dateng lagi di August 2010,
rasanya beda banget. Banyak anak2 baru -
2 anak MMC 5 & 1 anak UPH, lalu dgn segera tambah 1 cowok dan 3 org cewek
lagi. Very very very crowded. Untuk pertama kalinya jumlah dokter umum di
Serukam tembus angka 17! Unsure apa bs comfy dgn klinik yg hiruk pikuk (kotak kartu
pasien u/ dokter2 gak cukup), “berebutan” ruang periksa pasien (cuma 6 ruang u/
belasan dokter), ruang dokter yang penuh sesak (tas, barang2, sepatu, kotak
makan bergelimpangan dimana-mana), dan dengan sedemikian byk org baru. Terbayang
perasaan Ags (yg msh memegang rekor dr.umum terlama disana) yang sudah
mengalami begitu banyak orang yg come & go dalam waktu relatif cepat (1thn
3 bln-an).
Tapi ternyata bisa ^^ Menemukan diri
banyak belajar dr rekan2 sekerja yang baru & menikmati kebersamaan dengan mereka
– mereka dengan keunikan, kelebihan, & kekurangannya masing2. Dia yang
keliatan cuek2, tp sbnrnya peduli & reliable. Dia dgn spontanitasnya, ternyata
punya teachable heart & bertumbuh from a silly girl into a wiser woman. Dia
yang memang sudah bijak, lemah lembut & keibuan, KECUALI waktu jaga hehe…. Dia
yg rajin, tekun, pekerja keras, dan sangat ambisius. Dia yg baik hati &
helping hand, ternyata bersisi “gelap” jk malam menjelang (hahaha). Dia yang
polos-los-los membawa banyak kegembiraan. Dia yang punya mimpi2 selangit,
kreatif, rajin belajar, dan menderita superman syndrome. Dia yang organized,
bertalenta, & mampu memimpin. Dia yang disorganized tp punya byk hidden
talents & teachable heart. Dia yang polos (lebih2 lagi polos), medok &
keranjingan olahraga (berhasil menyeretku OR pagi-sore). Dan banyak lagi….
Several of them caught my heart. And I
cannot not care.
Bersyukur bs menikmati Natal yg
berbeda (kerja bakti sblm Natal & Natal gabungan UPT). Bersyukur bs ikut
upgrading MMC. Bersyukur bs bergembira bsm balita2 generasi penerus Serukam. Bersyukur
bisa ikut bantuin kerjaan akre (every Friday night, every time ada latihan
akre). Bersyukur bs bareng2 temen2 GSM Barabas (Natal SM, sukacita saat
kelahiran & pernikahan, dukacita wkt kehilangan). Bersyukur bisa kembali
melihat sisi lain dari org2 (dalil awal memang slalu terbukti benar). Bersyukur
dgn org2 rmh 308 (perjuangan VS helper, our guitar-duet times, our cooking
times!).
Setelah melalui berbagai pergumulan
& pemikiran sjk Jan, aku tiba pada kesimpulan bahwa untuk saat ini aku
lebih dibutuhkan di Bandung drpd di Serukam. So I decided to come home. Perlu
visi-misi lbh jelas & kuat u/ stay longer (bahkan long term). Hati ini
masih terbeban dengan daerah terpencil di Indonesia. Tidak pernah berniat u/
established di kota & ikut menuh2in tempat yg uda ga butuh. Tidak pernah
lupa dengan apa yg didapat di MMC 3. Masih dlm proses pergumulan untuk langkah
spesifik lbh lanjut (selain bekerja di Bandung u/ sementara ini if God
permits).
Susah banget buat pergi. Sempat
menyesal tidak mengejar a proper goodbye. Tapi minggu terakhir itu sudah sangat
sibuk dan berat, tak sanggup klo hrs mengulang perpisahan lengkap spt Serukam
part I. Lagipula, semuanya sudah kulakukan waktu 1st farewell.
Datang 1x, farewell 1x, cukuplah =)
Bersyukur bisa PA WoOT (Women of Old
Testament) terakhir sebelum pergi. Ttg topik yg nanceb bgt lagi (Sara &
Hagar – Waiting for God to Act). Bersyukur bisa dikuatkan oleh lagu “Trust His
Heart”. Bersyukur u/ segala hal yg belum kusyukuri….
Bersyukur bisa hidup, bernafas, menapakkan kaki, mengalami, melayani,
mengambil pelajaran di Serukam. God’s grace in my life.
©
Sabtu, 1 Okt pergi brg Ka ST & DW
ke Pnk. Syukurlah ada mereka. Gak terasa terlalu nelangsa. Gak terasa langsung “tercabut”
dr Serukam. Bersyukur u/ accompaniment DW-Ka ST mulai dari Serukam s/d Ponti,
dan Ka ST hingga Sukarno-Hatta. Perjalanan hr Mg, 2 Okt itu sangat lancar &
on time, hampir tidak ada waktu terdampar sendirian. Baru bener2 sendiri di
travel menuju Bandung.
©
“I shall remember all the good memories &
‘lessons-to-learn’
& will set aside all the hurt &
bitterness that sometimes pop out…
I shall cherish our togetherness & will be
grateful for the rest of my life” 14-10-11 7:55AM
“Learn from it, but will not dwell in it.
Life goes on, so…
Keep on moving – FORWARD!” 18-10-11
So this is goodbye….
©
Many
thanks to those who had parted before me :
EN, AD, SW, MO, ES, RM-RS, SA, AI,
ND, FD, MW, LR.
And my
gratitude to fellow colleagues there :
Ags, YH, HC, TM, VK, VI, FH, LT, HD, NL, DW,
FW, MT, YN, TA, BL.
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