10 Commandments for Single Adults

[Timothy Fish - 2/14/2006]

((Ada yang g setuju, ada yang rada maksa, tapi overall it provides a good suggestion for singletons. So take the good ones, leave the bad ones behind oce??))

 

1. Thou shall make the Lord #1.

“Thou shall have no other gods before me.” - Exodus 20:3

 Placing the Lord first does not mean that one will be stuck being religious the rest of one’s life, but it does mean that everything a person does will be flavored by a desire to serve the Lord.  Such people find themselves enjoying some things that they would have never considered before and find that they no longer enjoy some of the things that they used to do.

2. Thou shall wait on the Lord’s timing.

“Thou shall not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shall not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.” – Exodus 20:4-6

Many people would never consider making an idol and bowing down to it, but think about why people do make idols.  People who serve idols are looking for something to provide for their needs.  People make idols because they are looking for something to give them what they want.  

This attitude often shows up in ones desire to find a spouse.  A person might look around at all the available people of the opposite sex and find that none of them are suitable or that the situation does not allow a relationship to develop.  The person spend hours in prayer and still be left with the feeling that there is no one available and the Lord isn’t doing anything about it.  Then one begins to compromise on the things that one feels the Lord has set as requirements for what one should look for in a spouse.  One may start looking in places that are filled with people who are living an ungodly lifestyle in hopes of getting what one wants in spite of the will of the Lord.

This should not be the case.  Whatever the Lord’s will is in your life you can be sure it is for your good.  The vast majority of people marry at some point in their life.  Doing things to force something outside of God’s will to happen can keep one from receiving blessings that the Lord would like for one to have.  There have been many times that people have followed the Lord’s will and only then were they able to find the love of their life.

3. Thou shall not date lost people.

“Thou shall not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.” – Exodus 20:7

 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” – II Corinthians 6:14

 When I was a child I was always told that it was wrong to use the Lord’s name as a byword and the reason was because of Exodus 20:7.  While using the Lord’s name as a byword is an example of violating this commandment there are other ways that this commandment could be violated.  We are to give the Lord’s name the respect and honor that it is due.  It is disrespectful to the Lord for a saved person to choose to marry a lost person.  We have made a commitment to the Lord and a marriage to a lost person puts a strain on that commitment.  Either the marriage or the commitment to the Lord will suffer in such a situation.  In most cases it is both.

To avoid getting into such a situation Christian singles should not even date unbelievers.  It might start out as just having fun.  Then the relationship becomes more serious and the believer tells himself that he can change her before they get married. After a while he begins to realize that he doesn’t want to be without her, so he tells himself that it is alright to marry her because she will get saved after they are married. The whole problem would have been avoided if he had been more careful about who he chose to date.

4. Thou shall rest.

“Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shall thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shall not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.”-Exodus 20:8-11

Even a casual reading of the Bible makes it clear that the Lord intended for us to work, but it is also clear that we are not to over do it.  The Lord set aside one day out of every week to allow his people to rest.  Single adults are no strangers to having a lot to do and not enough hands to do it.  If these singles are parents they are even more aware of this problem.  Singles have to do most of the things couples have to do, but they have half as many hands to do those things.  A person who is trying to get all of this work done is going to be tired.

When people become overly tired or stressed, there can be many problems.  The immune system can be weakened when people are under stress, so a person may be more susceptible to disease.  Often a person’s ability to avoid temptation is also weakened.  A person can become so weary that he no longer care that what they are doing is wrong.  People need to be careful not to get into these situations.

Singles find themselves in the situation that because they don’t have to good off they are faced with a mountain of work and no reason not to do it.  The house has to be cleaned, the clothes have to be washed, the bills have to be paid, the yard has to be mowed, shopping must get done and there is plenty that needs to be done at church. All of it has to be done between the time one stumbles in the front door after a long day at work and one is able to fall into bed at the end of the day.

 

5. Thou shall not embarrass your parents

“Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” – Exodus 20:12

Dating is one of the things that singles are known for doing.  As a relationship progresses touching and kissing often begins.  Often singles ask the question of how far is too far.  A simple rule is that you should not embarrass your parents.  Singles should never do anything while dating that would be an embarrassment to their parents if they were in the same room with them.  Singles who are in a dating relationship should never do anything when they are alone that would embarrass their parents if they were to walk into the room.

As a single, if you are ever in a situation where you are touching your date in a way that your parents would be embarrassed if they knew it was going on then you have gone too far.  When two singles are together they are always in a public situation and they should treat it as such.

 

6. Thou shall live with your mistakes

“Thou shall not kill.”- Exodus 20:13

((Yang ini agak aneh, tapi intinya sih : harus bertanggung jawab atas kesalahan yang kita lakukan, jgn ditutup-tutupi dgn berbagai cara – sampe membunuh, misalnya?? Ekstrem bgt contonya emang))

There are many reasons that one person might kill another.  One of these reasons is that someone doesn’t want someone else to find out about something that was done. We all make mistakes.  We feel like some mistakes are worse than others, but mistakes do happen.  There are several mistakes that a single adult might make.  Some singles fail to set boundaries early in a relationship and engage in sex.  Some singles do not admit that they have made a mistake until the woman is pregnant. Some men have killed their girlfriends when this has happened.  David killed a Bathsheba’s husband because of what they had done.  It never helps a situation to try to hide what has happened.  We cannot undo our mistakes.  We can void mistakes and deal with those we make, but we should never try to hide them.

 

7. Thou shall not have sex

“Thou shall not commit adultery.” – Exodus 20:14

Singles whether they have never been married, are widowed or are divorced should not be having sex. Period.  Sex was something that God designed for couples and singles need to get it into their heads that engaging in this activity is outside the will of God and they will suffer the consequences.  Having been married previously does not change this.  The fact that all healthy adults have a natural desire for it does not change the fact that God said, no.  When God says, no, we should take it at that and leave it be.

 

8. Thou shall respect other people’s space

“Thou shall not steal.” – Exodus 20:15

Some people have the idea that after some number of dates with another person one has a right to the other person’s time.  Now, obviously, a man wishing to develop a deeper relationship with a woman would not be very successful if he doesn’t spend time with her, but the woman should recognize that until he makes a commitment he can spend his time as he pleases.  It works the other way as well.  There is nothing wrong with expressing a desire to spend time with the other person, but to try to force the other person to dedicate for time to the relationship, through various means, is a type of stealing.

Rather than becoming agree when the other person wants to spend time alone or with other friends, one should respect the other person’s need for time away.  If a one really cares to get to know another person it is best to look for ways to fit comfortably into the other person’s life rather than looking for ways to pull the person into one’s own.  If the other person cares to see the relationship progress then the other person will be the one to look for things to work the other way.

 

9. Thou shall be honest about your ex.

“Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor.” – Exodus 20:16

This could apply to any single that has been in a relationship of some kind, but it applies especially well to those who are divorced.  People who are divorced are notorious for talking about how rotten their ex-spouse is.  In some cases they are telling the truth, but in most it is just a way to cover one’s own responsibility for the failed marriage or the failure to raise one’s children properly.

Marriages fail because of the actions of two people rather than just one.  Usually, by the time a marriage falls apart it is too late to really know who had the most responsibly for the failure.  People who are divorced find it easier to deal with the situation if they admit that they are partially responsible and do what they can to smooth over the relationship with their ex.  If children are involved this is especially important.  Children love both parents and it makes it hard for them when they are being told that the other person is not a good person.

 

10. Thou shall not date married people.

“Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor’s.”  -Exodus 20:17

The world is a strange place.  There are some people who will spend a great deal of time and effort developing a relationship.  Then one day they are happily married, but over some amount of time (sometimes weeks) they feel like they have fallen out of love.  Some of these people start looking for love from someone else.

Singles should stay away from these people and should avoid situations that might lead to developing an intimate relationship with a married person.  Such a relationship will result in emotional pain for those involved.  If the married couple resolves their differences the single will be hurt.  If the couple divorces the couple will be hurt and most likely the single will be hurt later when the other person grows tired of the new relationship as well.

Being “best friends” with a married person of the opposite sex is a prescription for problems even if there never an intention of pursuing a romantic relationship.  This type of situation can be a cause for jealousy by the spouse.  If too much time is spent together without the spouse it may lead the friends down a path that they never intended to follow.

Be careful not to fall victim to the idea that it could never happen to you.  There have been many people who thought they would never be in that type of situation that have proven they were wrong.  The people it doesn’t happen to are the ones who take the right steps to avoid a bad situation.

 Satu hal lagi yang g dapet dari Quest For Love :

 

“The Lord taught me that preparing for marriage is ‘not so much a matter of FINDING the right person as it is BECOMING the right person.’

I began to concentrate on my relationship with Christ.”